Walking Wounded

Tonight, I was chatting online with a friend from high school who just made tenure in another state. We were acquaintances in high school, even sitting next to each other in class sometimes, but never were close, so reconnecting at the last reunion and staying in touch with her and her new boyfriend (also a HS friend), has been a joy. She revealed tonight how unhappy her home life had been all those years ago, having to be the parent, and growing up too fast.

She is taking the time to work through the baggage and heal from that and the dissolution of her first marriage several years ago. She seems to have a fairly healthy perspective, and said that what happened was meant to be because it’s helped make her who she is today.

That comment resonated with something in me. It reminded me of the oft-quoted and misquoted Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

We often make two mistakes with this passage. 1) that it says all things are good, and 2) it works for good for all people.

#1 is wrong because not all things are good. Sin is sin, evil is evil, and their consequences are real pain, real death, real suffering. Yet, God works blessing out of them and redeems them. Does this make the events ‘good’? No. Would it have been better if they hadn’t happened? It is a dangerous thing to play ‘what if?’ It is mere speculation. God doesn’t have a Plan B—His Plan A is so robust, it allows for and corrects for things that are truly bad and evil, so there really isn’t a place for ‘what if?’

It would be easier for us in some respects if we could take refuge in a Plan B Creation—“well, He wanted Eden, but He got this mess instead and He’s making the best of it along with us.” But this is wrong. It makes God too small. The Bible is clear that the Cross was in the blueprints, not the change order, so this must be Plan A.

Doesn’t that make God some form of capricious, morally imperfect, sado-masochistic or something worse? No. Scripture doesn’t leave that option open for us either. His moral purity, holiness, righteousness, and goodness are trumpeted on nearly every page.

What Scripture teaches is that God is a God of Reality. He deals with the good, bad and ugly, and insists we do as well. Scripture is not sugar-coated. That’s what gives it its authenticity and simultaneously makes it so hard to swallow.

If He created it, and knew what was going to happen beforehand and allowed for it, then why not prevent it in the first place? That is the number one question in all of theology. There are many answers and many more attempts at answers. The answer God gives most consistently in Scripture in many ways is the least satisfying of them, but I’ll stick to it for now.

He says, “I am God. I see the big picture and know the end from the beginning. I love you enough to send My Son to redeem you from the crap. I AM good, true, holy, righteous. This is who I Am, and you will need to trust Me, even though it is hard. My character is what it is and that knowledge needs to be enough to carry you through appearances otherwise, and I make no apology for it. Will you love and trust me anyway? I promise to make it worth your while and to go through it with you if you will have Me.”

#2 is a tricky one. He clearly specifies that He works good only for those that love Him, and/or are called according to His purpose (will someday love Him?). He also says elsewhere that He will work against His enemies and defeat them. So He is consistent. In many ways, he works against His enemies to reveal them as such (even to themselves) and to give them a chance to see the futility of their path so they may turn away. Yet, He says He will harden hearts against Him to accomplish His purposes. Yet, even those are responsible to Him for their actions. To address this properly is above my pay grade! Therefore, see God’s perspective in the last paragraph. It applies here too. Not a very touchy-feely answer, but it is real. Since you can’t do much about others being enemies or lovers of God, what will you do about yourself?

Where does all of this leave us? It means we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. We do not know how God is moving behind the scenes in the lives of our students and colleagues (or even our family members!). Are they vessels of mercy or wrath? Dunno. So love them. As some less charitable souls have said, “Let God sort them out.” Yep. That’s about the size of it. In the meantime, love them.

SDG

Good Enough

When I was in grad school, my roommates (all from church) nicknamed me, “Mr. Soft Love,” because I was always sympathetic, looking for the best in people, etc., particularly compared to the others. I think it was the Texan in me compared to the Yankee in them.

Here’s the funny thing—they probably wouldn’t call me that anymore. Some of it has probably rubbed onto me from them, but I think most of it comes from being an educator, especially for folks near the end of their schooling. They often need a swift kick, given in love.

Two things that definitely contributed to being closer to Mr. Tough Love than I used to be—two books: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, and No More Christian Nice Guy. Lewis was the first to clue me in to the dynamic range of the concept of “good:”

"Aslan, a man?" said Mr.Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you, He is the King of the wood and the son of the Great Emperor Beyond the Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion - The lion. The Great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he...quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion!"

"That you will deary and no mistake," said Mrs.Beaver. "If there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr.Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs.Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? Course he isn't safe.....but he's good. He's the King I tell you."

This passage jumps out at me because of a friend who pointed it out to me with joy and wonder. She was right. Our vision of goodness, holiness, and righteousness is far too tame, too banal, for the infinite God who created the universe with supernovae and, yes, lions.

The second book, by Paul Coughlin, kicked me forward in a big way. He contrasted goodness also, but this time with the idea of “nice.” He points out that Jesus was not always a “nice” person. How many nice people do you know who braid whips to use on corrupt people preying on folks in a bind? I know that calling my elder board a “brood of vipers” would put me at the top of Santa’s “nice” list.

Those of us raised in the South (and in this case, Texas would fall into that category) are brought up to be nice to one another and that being nice was a cardinal virtue in all situations, regardless of how we actually felt or even what was appropriate.

Just one problem. Ok, two. 1) It isn’t healthy. 2) It isn’t Christlike.

There are simply times where the good thing is to tell someone, “it is NOT alright!” “This is not acceptable.” “I expect a change in your behaviour.” “That was rude.” “I will not bail you out of the crisis of your own making.” And so on.

This is especially important in education. Our job is to train people in certain subjects and the very nature of grading is telling the student how they measure up. Does protecting their self-esteem from any/all bruising really help them master the material? My job is, in a respectful way, to help them master physical chemistry, not make sure they are fully self-actualized. True self esteem comes from knowing that you are 1) a fallen human saved by the grace of God’s wild but incredibly good love, and 2) competent to excellent in your vocation through which you glorify God and in your daily life. When we protect a student’s self-esteem at the cost of their mastery of the subject, we cheat them of their potential and their ‘self-esteem’ is based on a lie.

Strong words.

Have I mastered this area in my life? Not hardly. In fact, I sometimes hit both extremes—too harsh and/or too nice. Fortunately, God is the best educator. He’ll get me there, and it will be with the appropriate self-esteem not only preserved but enhanced.

God’s goodness—it isn’t safe in the common understanding of the term, and it isn’t necessarily nice. Perhaps, if we understood this better, as He reveals about Himself in His Word, then the “problem of evil” would be less of a problem. Maybe it really is a “problem of good,” or, at least our understanding of it.

SDG